Wheeler Wonders

Four Years.

This is the amount of time I had forced myself to remain in the worst work culture I had ever had the displeasure of being apart of.

Looking back, had I drank the kool aid, or was I in a sort of paralyzed daze in which I truly believed that this job was my only option?

‘Twas a bit of both.

I had convinced myself into believing that this was it. This is just what the world is like. This is how a work environment functions. Deal with it.

This is also what I was told repeatedly by multiple managers; they were just trying to keep the turnover rate down essentially.

“It is what it is.”

Little did I know that retaining this mindset was the start of my mental, physical, and spiritual downfall.

When one first begins a new job, a ray of optimism and hope is pronounced. Possibilities are endless. Advancement may be possible. I can make a real difference. Contributing to the team and feeling accomplished are all virtues that are floating around in the mind before entering the building.

Nervous. But it is a good nervous.

These ambitions were immediately and violently crushed within my first day.

The way people talk to you is the building block of any social fabric. Within seconds, one can determine if the person speaking to them is genuine, respectful, passive aggressive, apathetic, selfish, belittling, impatient etc.

Unfortunately, the very first individual I was met with was a very aggressive and impatient H.R. manager, who clearly did not want to be there, and me being there just made her day even worse. I was the reason she was going to have to do their job, and they hated me for it.

If you are made to feel guilty for simply doing your required job, that is sociopathic and an immediate red flag.

Within a few months into the environment, I began to see situations that I knew in my heart were not normal.

Managers shouting at Supervisors. Supervisors shouting at staff. Belittling staff members in front of other staff. Prejudice. Playing favorites. Constant blame. Zero apprecation for staff. No “good job, everyone”. Politics. Verbally harassing newer staff members. Verbal sexual harassment. Threatening retaliation if anything was reported.

“Do not go to H.R.” was a readily available line often presented by management.

If you spoke up, you were ostracized and the harassment increased.

Fear was a weapon used viciously on staff members.

The main concern I had was the lack of communication and team work.

I am an avid ambassador for the importance of team work and communication, and the issues that arise when it fails in the workplace, or life in general. An environment can thrive with the right leadership, communication, and team work. If all of these things are in order, the environment is healthy, fresh, and motivating.

On the other hand, if there is poor leadership, communication is seen as a chore rather than a required benefit, and staff are all out for themselves, then you are begging for constant disorganization and mass amounts of stress.

Without sounding cynical, the phrase “be the change you want to see” is a beautiful sentiment. However, I equate this to being a circle surrounded by cubes.

Some shapes just do not fit in with other shapes, no matter how hard they may try.

The more a shape tries to make something fit that simply cannot, the more exhausting the task.

I was trying to fit in an environment I clearly did not belong in. Through my sheer determination, or stubbornness, I tried to stay and help correct these issues. I was met with laughter, hostility, isolation, and guilt.

I was getting beat up emotionally every day.

I had become everything I told myself I did not want to be.

Cynical. Untrusting. Aggressive. Irritable. Apathetic. Mean.

Not pleasant to be around.

I was turning into my environment.

It was time to go.

After leaving, I am in a much better space. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally.

I feel like myself once again, whom I missed very much and longed to meet again.

If your soul is being destroyed by an environment, its time to ask yourself…

“What is my soul worth?”